It’s a tough call! Instinctively, I would want to say that my favorite infomercial is for the Snuggie (because it is), but then he might get the wrong idea about possibly wanting to snuggle. In that case, it might just be a safer (and slightly more frightening) rout to say that my favorite infomercial is for the Ronco “These-Knives-Never-Dull” knife set. Maybe if I detail how much I love knives, or even pretend that I have a rare and unusual knife collection at home, I will scare him into never calling me again. I might even include a fictional anecdote about how my infatuation with knives stems from my parents job as professional carnies in a touring circus, and they perform as knife jugglers. I might even go as far to say that I myself juggle knives in the circus, and this is my final night in town (so that even if by some miracle he still wanted to contact me, there would be no way.) Perhaps I could seal the deal by telling him that ever since seeing the Ronco infomercial, it has been my dream to use them in my act and possibly earn an endorsement campaign with them. I would enact my own infomercial at the beginning of each show to prove to my audience how sharp my Ronco knives really were. At this point in my rant about knives and circuses, I would hope that my date asks for the check, and we would both end the evening with a new story to tell at parties; his of his crazy circus-freak date who’s obsessed with sharp knives, and mine of how I creatively got out of a terrible blind date.
I must agree that my favorite infomercial is also for the Snuggie. However, Emily you make a very good point in saying that "snuggling" would be a topic to avoid on a bad date. So I would have to say that in response to my unfortunate blind date's bizarre question, I would explain that the Wonder Hanger infomercial is my favorite. How genius is it to compact 5 hangers into one!? To multiply the space in your closet by 5 times! In all my excitement describing the infinite wonders of the Wonder Hanger, I would give this poor man the impression that I am OBSESSED with clothes. "And all my previous boyfriends have also been thrilled with the Wonder Hanger because I could dedicate a hanger, or two or three, to each of them! And fill them with the clothes they so happily spoiled me with." HOPEFULLY, this idea would frighten him a little (unless he really is that abnormal). As soon as he showed any sign of discomfort, I would quickly send my conversation in a different direction. “Oh don’t worry! If you don’t like shopping for clothes I don’t mind. A few of my previous boyfriends weren’t the biggest fans of clothing shopping either, but being the genius girl that I am, I came up with a solution! You can just get another credit card attached to your checking (or savings) account and give it to me. I’ll gladly do the shopping for you, and even buy decorative letters to decorate my many Wonder Hangers in your honor!” In fact, I might just get so excited that I insist on rushing home to prepare my closet. Of course I would make sure to scribble my (fake) number on a napkin and bolt out the door. Oh the wonders of the Wonder Hanger :)
I think I’d hesitate to answer my mystery date’s question just to build the awkwardness. Then I would tell him that my favorite infomercial is for the Ped Egg because my feet are proof that it works. As we’re eating our food, I’d tell him about this horrible foot curse I have and how unfortunately it runs in the family. I’d go into detail about how crusty my feet are and how my skin had always felt like scales on a snake back before I used the Ped Egg. If this hasn’t put the turn on the date yet, I’ll talk about our future together. I’ll explain to him that when we’re married and have children, our children will have this horrible foot curse as well so we might as well buy a lot of Ped Eggs now in preparation for them! My obsession for the Ped Egg will grow so much as I talk about it, that I will take one out of my purse and place it on the table. I’ll take one of my shoes off, throw my foot on the dinner table, and start scrubbing away what he thinks to be nasty skin. Little does my awful blind date know when we part ways is that I had happened to be carrying my grandma’s purse which holds crazy things for back up when a date goes wrong. I would definitely call my grandma after the date and thank her for the Ped Egg she’d stored in the side pocket! This is something that will never get old in my family; we will be able to laugh in the future about all the insane dates we agree to go on.
Well, if my date was really going this badly, and the subject of infomercials was brought up, there is only one sure way that I could get out of it. That is by embracing the tactics of one late, great man who made infomercials so popular, and yet so annoying to watch…Mr. Billy Mays. I would probably begin by explaining how I first saw the commercial for Oxiclean on tv, and it changed my world (when, in all honesty, I’ve never used the stuff). Of course, I couldn’t explain Oxiclean without paying homage to Billy Mays, which requires that I talk about Oxiclean in THE ABSOLUTE LOUDEST VOICE POSSIBLE! “OXICLEAN! POWERED BY THE AIR YOU BREATHE, ACTIVATED BY THE WATER WE DRINK! IT’S THE STAIN SPECIALIST!” This will work especially well if we are in public, seeing as this will make it socially awkward for everyone in our vicinity. After relaying the wonders of Oxiclean, I would then suddenly become completely overtaken with sadness, and perhaps even some really fantastic “on cue” tears and sobs. My date, being really taken aback at this, would then ask me what was wrong. I would then proceed to explain the impact that the death of Billy Mays had on my life (I know this is terribly cold hearted, and my apologies to anyone in his family who might ever read this. It’s the internet, you never know how people might come across stuff). If all that didn’t work, I would only have to pull out the big guns and start talking about the ShamWow guy.
Oh my goodness, I loved yours. Haha. I actually got a Ped Egg for Christmas from a family member. The Ped Egg is one of those products that you never really want anyone to know that you use, making it a perfect tool to chase away a bad date. I actually only used it once, and it grossed me out so much that I never used it again. I think anytime you bring up feet on a date, its a sure way to at least make another person feel awkward. Unless of course you're with someone that you do feel comfortable with, and talking about feet is a way to lighten up the conversation and make people laugh. But yeah, I totally agree. Ped Egg would definitely be the best way to get rid of a bad date.
Well, remember the Oxyclean commercials? Yeah, Those were my favorite infomercials. It always made me wonder if the guy who did those commercial, poor guy dying at his age by the way, ever liked his job. He just sound so obnoxious, kinda like little kids yelling for candy but only it's "buy this new detergent buy this new dishwasher soap!". At least he made it look like he put his heart into his work, I mean it must be very embarrassing yet skillful to pull off each commercial cause all he does is yell, although he probably yelling louder and more repetitive messages of getting people to go his company's product is going to attract customers into wanting to buying. Personally, I would just ignore people who use that advertising method all together. I think only a few people can pull off such a method as a way of advertising to the people and the Oxyclean guy definitely is one of them. "Am I boring you, Oh, I can continue?" Another thing I like to mention is that what made the Oxyclean guy famous and a very well-known informercial, at least what I have heard, is his renowned mustache and beard. He was also in some beard dying commercial. Or at least some guys that looked like him. I could've swore that he was trying to pull off Chuck Norris's beard, but only what's behind Chuck Norris's beard is not a chin, but another fist. "I hope I'm not boring you, you just look so sleepy." Well that's what I say about my favorite informercial, even though it was more focused on the guy rather than his commercials. He was still very good at his job, it's only a shame that he died at his age. "So what about you---" great she asleep."
I got to admit id probably be honest and answer the sham-wow infomercial(mostly because of the sham-wow guy is so entertaining)then id go on a rant about how useful these sham-wow things are, and how i can use it for everything i need to clean up around the house (id obviously add a couple of disgusting things about the way i live, just to scare them away) If that does not work, then this is where it gets tricky. Personally, im pulling out a crazy exgirlfriend card, id just walk away (make it seem like im going to answer my celphone) and id come back a couple of minutes later, and explain this whole thing about my "exgirlfriend" and how she just called me from her house telling me that if i didnt went to her house right now, she would hurt herself or something like that. Then id just ran out of the restaurant before we could even exchange numbers.Now, im the last person that would joke about something as serious as a possible suicide(....wait, im actually not) but in all fairness, if we are on a date talking about infomercials, then im pretty sure id make anything up to get out of there. Also, please dont take me wrong, i usually try to be the most friendly person youll ever meet, this is my last resort card, if i have to take this card out, that just means that this has to be by far the worst date you could possibly ever be on.
Nice going with the crying on a public date, especially if its for something as minimal as an infomercial, if that doesnt work then this guy is either crazy or retarded and in both cases you might wanna keep your distance ( not to offend any retarded people that might read this, but if you are reading this and you felt offended, you are not retarded, you are either lazy or really dumb) Also, very good with the homage to Billy Mays, and dont worry about the family, if its that bad of a date then im pretty sure most of them will understand. I personally just put the sham-wow guy for my answer, and i didnt even add a comment on what a character he is. I dont know if you would need to bring out the sham-wow guy, the yelling and the crying should pretty much do it, if you need a reinfocer you can always go with how traumatic the whole death of Billy Mays was, including certain details that would make you look like a crazy person, that should definitely do it.
I really like your idea! I had not even thought of that! One sure-fire way to send a guy running is to give him the idea your high maintenance, and expect him to shower you with presents! On top of that, he would certainly shudder to think that a girl was ready to invade his personal space with Wonder Hangers after only the first date! Absolutely ingenious. I almost forgot about that infomercial! To be honest, I was considering buying some for my new dorm room, as I didn’t know how much closet space I would have. I’m sure they would really come in handy in a residence hall like Salley, which is notorious for having very limited closet space. It would really be great if you wrote the number of the Rejection Hotline on that napkin as you dashed out the door. Then you would really let him know that you weren’t actually that insane, he was just a dud for a date.
“Hands down, the Magic Bullet.” By hands down, I would mean if you try to make a move tonight I’m going to stick your hands down a Magic Bullet. This comment would make me grin as I mull over the irony. Typically, I can converse with anyone; I could even talk to a wall if I found it that interesting. Therefore, this guy must really, to put it simply, suck. The real question is why am I still sitting here? I’m either doing so to be polite or for some decent food since that is scarce in college. I could discuss the Magic Bullet in all its glory with him since its characters are quite profound and he seems to have a fascination with infomercials. There is an Australian husband who seems to be quite whipped by his WASP of a wife along with a hung over neighbor in a bathrobe and an older woman who is consistently smoking throughout the nine minute scene. Not your typical infomercial. That’s the beauty of it; it seems like a sitcom but with a 1-800 number at the end. He may find this humorous and I would not want to tempt him into buying dessert so I would not mention that. I would make some quick conversation about how awful television is in today’s society and inform him that my two children at home are never allowed to watch after nine. Then, I would exclaim, “Whoops! It’s nine and I simply must run home to tuck them in.” After such a horrid question from my mystery date, I would let him think I’m a teen mother just to end this misery. Thus, to conclude the evening I would go make myself a chocolate shake in my Magic Bullet.
When I think infomercials, the first one that pops into my head is “Flirty Girl Fitness”. Every time it comes on TV I can’t help but to laugh…especially if someone else is in the room, such as my father. Believe me, it makes for a pretty awkward moment. Definitely, being a woman, I would never bring this one up if I wanted a date to end. That would only make the guy want to continue talking to me, knowing the typical guy, that is. On the other hand, if I were a man, this would make for the perfect date ending conversation. I could start off by saying, “I mean wow, those girls in that video are bangin! Man what I would do for a girl like that.” Then I could ask her, “You by chance have one of those poles at your house, or maybe just even the chair?” Her response would most likely be, “Um no actually, can’t say that I do.” with an aggravated tone. Then I may add, “Well, say I bought you the video, you think you might try it out… I mean, it looks like you could shed a few pounds? The moves could be a little difficult at first, but I could definitely help ya out there. I mean, not to brag, but I’m practically pro! I recorded the infomercial and watch it on the daily. In YOUR case, you might have a little trouble getting up on the pole at first, but once you lose a little, it should be no problem at all!!” This would be the end. Oh but by the way, if you really want to make it out of there without a slap on the face, you may want to drop that last line :)
Laura, You know, I have a friend whose grandmother gave her entire family the Magic Bullet for Christmas one year. She says that it actually works great. You could, then, be inadvertently letting this mystery date think that you have uncommonly good sense. ☺
HAHA. Your idea is hillarious. What's funny is that every time I see this infomercial I get grossed out, especially when they reveal all of the left over dead skin. Mmm... that would be just great to see as I'm enjoying dinner!! The foot curse just tops it off. I could imagine eating my salad and bread, while the image of “scaley-footed children” dances in my head. I also love the idea of “grandma’s purse”. After reading your entry, I’m sure many will make sure they have some sort of secret weapon. Anyways, this Ped-Egg would definitely do the trick, unless your dating some kind of weirdo that digs that sorta thing. Highly doubt it though! But, if ever you do run into that problem, you could always whip out another useful tool from “grandma’s purse”. Thank god for grandma!
Thanks for your comment! And as a matter of fact, I did give in and buy a package of wonder hangers for my dorm room closet. Haha, they ended up being very useful though! They not only maximized my hanging space but also provided a clever idea for an english blog assignment, funny how things work out. And the rejection hot line number sounds like a good idea. If I am unfortunate enough to actually be put in this situation, I will be sure to add that into my plan of escape. However ranting on about Ronco knives and circuses just might have to be brought up as well! Unless of course my mysterious date ends up being a clown in the FSU circus and a co-owner of Ronco knives...then we'd have some issues!
The question has been asked. I stand. I turn around. I walk out the door of the restaurant. I wait outside for a few seconds and then turn around and come back in. "I'm just kidding; I love infomercials!" After the awkward pause that will inevitably result from me walking out the door moments before I will explain that the Magic Bullet is my favorite. Why? It is my favorite because of its ingeniousness. What a great idea! I would go on to explain how often I cook in my house and how I used to always labor in the kitchen to make ingredients for recipes or cocktails for a party. The Magic Bullet saved me! Look at me now: with the Magic Bullet I can do the same amount of work in "ten seconds...or less!" "Not only that," I'd exclaim, "the Magic Bullet comes in a small, convenient size." I would then, of course, grab my Magic Bullet from my bag and place in on the table. I would then instinctively grab her plate of food and scoop it into the Magic Bullet. Using the "cross blade" I would chop up her whole meal in "ten seconds...or less" and then dump it back onto her place. While she would predictably have a look of disgust on her face, I would explain the simplicity in having a liquid diet three times a day, instead of a solid food diet. All you have to do is stick your meal into the bullet, eat, and then place the bullet in the dishwasher when you're done! With luck, a second date would take place; only this time she would make sure to bring her new Magic Bullet with.
Nicole, I really liked your comment! Firstly, the “Flirty Girl Fitness” is one of my favorites as well. What an awkward infomercial in general, but to bring it up on a blind date would just be hilarious. I also liked the fact that you mentioned “knowing the typical guy” and how he would most likely enjoy hearing that you like the “Flirty Girl Fitness” infomercial. What’s the worst part? You’re probably right! On the other hand, I’m pretty sure if any guy said anything like that in a blind date he definitely WOULD be slapped. You’re crossing some dangerous lines there by telling her you would get her the video because she could “shed a few pounds.” However, I’m sure she would be reassured when the gentleman tells her that he’s practically a pro at the pole. If that’s not an attention getter, I honestly do not really know what is. Great comment!
“First of all, if the date is so dull that you are actually asking me what my favorite infomercial is, then I think it’s needless to say that I definitely do not plan to return to for a second date. That being said, if you honestly want to know, then I’m going to have to go with the Snuggie. The commercial made it seem really comfortable and I actually bought one after I saw it. However, do not get any ideas that I want to snuggle with you in any way, shape, or from. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t get the wrong idea from my answer, and if you need a little more reinforcement, then I think I should mention the fact that my dad gave a taser a few months ago and I know how to use it. So for your own sake, don’t try anything. But, do you honestly have nothing better to talk about? I mean, you could’ve talked about sports or the news, but this kind of makes me think that you just sit at home all day and watch the Home Shopping Network. I suggest you socialize a little bit more so you will have a little more luck on the dating scene. Maybe make a note card of appropriate things to talk about on a first blind date. Try to be a tad more interesting, and if you’re actually incapable of that, then take your date to a movie or something so you wouldn’t have to talk. Now, could you order the check? I think it’s time we go our separate ways.”
Your idea of the Ped-Egg is absolutely amazing. That would definitely be a date-ender and if that doesn’t exactly do the trick then talking about your “future together” would. Your post honestly made me crack up. The Ped-Egg has got to be the most disgusting things to carry around in your purse considering all of the dead skin you’re carrying around everywhere. I can only picture two people in a restaurant, and someone all of the sudden starts scrubbing their feet with the Ped-Egg, and you know, maybe put the shavings on the side of the dinner plate. Yummmm. I absolutely agree with your idea and your way out of the date would make an incredibly funny story to tell at all your family gathering, with grandma of course.
Handling awkward moments and causing them has always been a skill of mine. And one night I really got the chance to use my talent. The date had been complete hell. She showed up about thirty minutes late and to add to that it was a blind date. And by blind date I wish I would have been blind because she looked like a mess. So as we jumped from topic to topic in our casual conversation she asked me, “What is your favorite infomercial?” I heard the words and suddenly I felt a switch click on in my head. Without hesitation I replied, “The Shamwow and Slapchop/Graty commercials with my brother Vince in them!” She was at first intrigued but I moved quickly to change this. As a side note too if you haven’t seen these commercials you have to Google them because this guy is absolutely insane. But back to the story at hand, how I got rid of my terrible blind date. I went on to let her know that Vince had actually just gotten in trouble for a run-in with an overly aggressive prostitute. At this information she was at first a little bit awkward about the situation but I slowly made sure to go in for the kill. I told her in my opinion I thought Vince was an alright guy but he just made an idiotic mistake. She nodded in agreement but I laughed to myself as she had taken the bait. I then told her, “You know in family the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” At this proverbial insight she at once got up and excused herself from the table and made a beeline for the restaurant door. I sat back and laughed knowing that I had just used the Shamwow pitchman to scare off a bad date.
Haha! Wow. I really like your response. I mean I feel the same way. Infomercials, REALLY that’s the best you can do?? I guess so. But yea, I think you handled the situation pretty well too. Not really rude, just firm in how you feel that it will go NO WHERE. I read most of the other posts and everyone is trying to disgust or humiliate the person but you were just straight up saying that the person has no life (lol) or is uninteresting. I might not go that far as to say that but I would say that the person definitely needs better conversation topics or starters other than infomercials but that’s just me. Also I liked how you threw in the part about the Home Shopping Network channel because that is where the majority of infomercials occur especially all the stupid, cheesy ones that sucker people into buying it from them instead of waiting until it comes out in stores, which is what always happens even though they have the disclaimer saying it won’t be sold in stores. Another LIE!
Catalina, I for one have to say that I’m kinda afraid of you after the way you handled that blind date. Totally ruthless but I loved it haha. Also you have to watch this Snuggie parody if you haven’t already seen it, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h05ZQ7WHw8Y&feature=fvw. I also liked the way how you immediately crushed your dates hope after mentioning the word Snuggie, after that everything was golden. Total confidence crushing awesomeness in my opinion. I think if I was in your date’s shoes by the end of your tirade I’d probably not even wait for the check but just run before you get the chance to use your tazer haha. If we ever went on a date I’d definitely make sure to not make any boring small talk of infomercials because this poor guy did and I’d have to say he really ended up burnt to a crisp. Great job :)
Catalina, I like that your response was completely directed towards the date in a quote. You aren’t hiding any of your thoughts, but, rather, telling him exactly what you think. The taser reference is an excellent way to repel your creepy date. He would definitely understand that this is the one and only date you and him would be on. If the date replied that he really did only watch the Home Shopping Network then that would be funny, yet extremely sad. By telling him to go see a movie with his next date instead of talking was great since you’re being helpful to him in the future. To top it all off, you told him to get the check. If that doesn’t tell him you despise him then I do not know what would. It sounds like you’re breaking up with him in the last post, too, which I enjoyed as the conclusion to your response.
I, for one, hope that I will never have such a bad date that the date actually asks me what my favorite infomercial is. I think I would probably have to go with the Sham-Wow. I would say that I bought one and use it to clean up after the house of guys I live with. I would go into detail about all of the specific messes. “They leave their drinks and food on the tables and they stain all of the counters in the kitchen.” Then I would go on to complain about how men never take care of their belongings and leave their things all over the place. I would say I would never date a man that doesn’t do laundry, clean, and cook for himself. Hopefully, the date would take the hint and be really aghast that I live with a bunch of guys and not call anymore. If he doesn’t take the hint, I would take out my phone and act like they’re constantly texting me and bring up an ex boyfriend or two. The ex-boyfriend card would most likely work by itself but you never know, this date could be desperate. It’s likely that this person doesn’t get out much if he asks all of his first dates about infomercials. Seriously, does this guy not have anything better to talk about? He should really think about a question like that before asking it. I think after the whole thing was done, I’d feel pretty bad about it because the situation would just be pitiful.
Alex, I really like the way you described the whole situation! I actually used the Sham Wow too and researched that guy. He beat up some hooker in South Beach! I know if I met someone who said “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” about something like that, I’d freak out! I like how enthused you made yourself seem about the product. That’s weird by itself without the other added comments haha Running out of the restaurant before coming back and reciting basically the whole infomercial? PRICELESS! I also liked the way you set up the dialogue. It you’re your post even more entertaining. Good job!
Well, weirdo, I must say that my favorite infomercial is that of Sham-wow. Not only is this item functional but also the presentation is absolutely hilarious! Did you know that the guy on the infomercial, whose name currently escapes me, was arrested for soliciting a prostitute and for assault? So every time I see that commercial I can’t help but be a little tickled by his exuberant behavior especially when you think about what he was been doing with his spare time. And though this may sound a little bit twisted don’t you find it fascinating to analyze the rise and fall of even these C-list infomercial stars? It seems to be the last chapter in his five minutes of fame almost like Willy Mayes but at least it ended in his death rather than humiliation. Now don’t think I’m speaking ill of those who have passed on before us! But back to the question, I love Sham-wow, I own several and they work wonders on my messes! Though my main motivation for these purchases is to continue his career because I am anxious to observe his other antics as time goes on. Don’t you wish that this soap opera like behavior progressed throughout the infomercial world? Profits would sky rocket! The economy would be back on its feet in no time and it would all be because of the dramas of the regular show persons or presenters, it really depends on how you would like to refer to them. And to end this terrible date I hope I made this conversation sufficiently awkward for you to never call me back because quite frankly I believe you need to get a little bit of personality!
I loved your Ronco infomercial. First off, I have a fear of knives so that alone would seal the deal for me. I’d have the check there in a heartbeat, no lie. But the whole circus idea is priceless. I feel like you never meet a “normal” person who wants to be a part in a circus. I’d hope by this point in time your date has either gotten the hint or just been too freaked out to look your way. As you were talking about your infatuation with knives, you should have picked up a knife at the dinner table to make him feel really uncomfortable (if you hadn’t sent him packing already) !!
First and foremost I must say I’d be shocked if anyone asked me this on a date, whether it was going good or bad. So, I would just have to sit there and think about it for a little while, keeping my date in suspense, because there are just so many to choose from. For the purpose of this date however, I would probably choose the garlic pro dicer. I know it’s a weird choice, but if you think about it how many people actually like the smell of garlic breath. Not many I’m sure. I would just get really excited and be like “Oh I know, the Garlic pro dicer!” really loud so everyone could hear. Then I would just go one, babbling about how much I love this product explaining how it works, and then of course how much I love garlic. I’d try to convince my date that I had a very unconventional love for garlic by telling him that I put garlic on everything, on all kinds of food, from pasta, to foods that would make a weird combination with garlic, like ice cream. So, after I’ve been rambling about my love for garlic I’d ask, “Have you ever tried garlic ice cream? It is A-maz-ing!” I’d just describe how creamy and delicious it is, when I know that it must taste disgusting because I mean garlic ice cream, it just sounds disgusting (and if any one would ever make garlic ice cream I’d think that there’s something a little wrong with them). Now, I’d think that on this date we’d be at a restaurant, so I’d ask the waiter if I could have a whole bunch of chopped garlic to put on whatever I was eating. And, to top it off, at the end of the date, when I’d say good bye, I’d get really close so he could smell the garlic and just hope that he doesn’t actually like garlic because then I’d be in trouble! (Ok, so I’d never actually do this, but it would be a good idea, I guess… maybe? It’d at least be kind of funny.)
First I want to say that I am pretty sure I would never go on a blind date because I don’t like being put in awkward situations like that, because when I am, I usually become a jerk. So if the date was not going well, and the conversation turned toward infomercials I really would not be surprised. However, if I was asked what my favorite infomercial was, I would probably start to say whatever I could to end the date as soon as possible and never have the person want to talk to me again. Now, I do not really watch infomercials. So I looked some up and found the best end-date solution. I would tell my blind date that my favorite infomercial is the Odor Assassin because it just works magic. If you haven’t heard of it, you should look it up. It supposedly can get rid of pretty much any smell in just three seconds. So, I would tell this to my date and then tell her why I like it so much. Though it would be entirely untrue, I would explain that I have had this really bad smell in my house, and I continuously have to use the Odor Assassin throughout the house to keep the horrible smell under control. I would then fabricate a story about how one day when I came home, the kitchen smelled really bad, and I thought it was the trash so I took it out. Then as the week went on, the smell had not gone away but had gotten worse. I was thinking something had died. So, I tore apart the kitchen to figure out the source of the smell, but I could not find it. By the end of the month, the entire house smelled bad, I had just about given up on finding the source and had gotten used to it. I would tell my date this not because I am a disgusting person, but because I would want her to be absolutely disgusted and want to go home and get as far away from me as soon as possible. I am just not a real people person.
I really liked that you actually wrote down exactly what you would say to your date. It was really funny, and you were just totally up front and honest. Just completely blunt about how you felt about your date. You still told him your favorite infomercial, but made it completely clear that your favorite infomercial would in no way have anything to do with him. It was obviously a weird question to ask on a date, and I liked that you confronted him about that. Maybe he does watch that shopping channel. I’d think it’d be even more funny if you had asked him what his favorite infomercial was, just for fun. And another thing, if someone does actually ask a question like this I’d agree that it would be very beneficial for them to socialize more before they go on another date. Oh and my favorite part was definitely the end, when you gave him the movie suggestion, and about the check and you two going your separate ways. I’m sure by then he’d have gotten the hint.
I definitely would have to say that the sham wow infomercial is my favorite. I would tell my date that sham wow is the best product on the market and that I think that every man, woman and child should have one or two. I would explain that regular napkins are truly becoming obsolete in this society and I might even “accidentally” spill my drink into my date’s lap. Of course I would recommend a sham wow to clean up the mess. I would not even apologize. I would just continue on with my speech about the importance of the sham wow in this day and age as well as attempt to engage in conversation with any passer-by who would stop and listen. (Most likely that would be few.) We, the passer-by and I, would discuss the sham wow for as long as I would get them to stay (which I doubt would be an extended amount of time). When my date would try to interrupt me I would simply talk over him getting louder and louder every time. Eventually he would realize that trying to get a word in would be near impossible. At this point I would just continue on with my speech about the necessity of sham wows making sure he did not interrupt me. I had to sit through a bad blind date so he would have to sit through my ramble. And he better listen or I’m bringing out my “These-Knives-Never-Dull” knife set like Emily suggested. -Unjani
As if your favorite infomercial being the garlic pro dicer wasn't weird enough, I think your idea of stressing how much you love garlic is absolutely genius. I doubt I would be able to pretend I like garlic that much, and it would be funny. It would definitely work on me and probably on anybody. Now don’t get me wrong, I like garlic as a seasoning on some foods, and it can really add some flavor to what you are eating. The way you described it makes garlic seem disgusting though. Not to mention garlic ice cream. Do you think that really exists? I know they make weird flavors, but I am pretty sure this would be the most disgusting. Finally, the garlic breath in the face just seems like the best way to end a terrible date. If a girl did that to me, it would probably make me sick and I would never want to see her again.
Jordan M., The ped egg infomercial is a really good idea. The thought of someone’s rough, scratchy feet should definitely deter anybody from wanting to have a second date with them, especially if they feel it absolutely necessary to grind away at their crusty feet at the dinner table. It’s just nasty. However, you have to do what is necessary and if the date is bad enough, this would be necessary. Absolutely necessary. Although, this scene would probably raise a stir as well as laughter no matter where you and your date happened to be, you could easily get rid of your date and make them never want to go out anywhere with you again. Which of course would be the objective in this case. And you would definitely get rid of that date if you did scrubbed your feet with the ped egg in your “bad date survival kit”.
The Ped Egg is a perfect way to make the date even more awkward. Personally, I do not like feet and if they were to be brought up on a date, especially a blind date, I would get grossed out. The Ped Egg is such an odd device, but at the same time it should save people money on pedicures. But in all seriousness every time I saw a Ped Egg on television or in a store I always wanted one. My mother finally got me one as a surprise and I have never used it or even opened it from the wrapper. I would feel so weird using it and it would probably gross me out. This was such a good idea to use this infomercial on a terrible date, I think it portrayed the message that she was not having a good time on the date and they were not going out together again.
First of all, if I was ever on a blind date where I was asked such a question, I would wonder immediately which one of my friends had set me up and thought “Chelsea and (insert name here) would be a great match!” I would be curious as to if he was joking or if he was genuinely interested on what infomercial really captures my attention. I would start to answer the question with well, another question. I would ask him what his favorite infomercial was to see if he would answer with every miniscule detail so that when I answered, he would be ready to listen. I would definitely make it clear that we would not be going on any second date whatsoever. I would tell him that my favorite infomercial was indeed for the ShamWow. I would explain that I am the clumsiest person on earth and constantly spill drinks and liquids, so the ShamWow always comes in handy. My objective of course would be to scare him into thinking that I would be spilling drinks all night on our date and whip out my handy ShamWow to continuously clean my mess up. I’d tell him that when I saw the infomercial, I called instantaneously in order to receive all the bonus benefits like a second ShamWow for free and different colored ShamWows. I would talk about this as though it were my child and whoever invented the ShamWow should be a legend. Hopefully, by the end of this date, he would realize that if we continued to date, he too would need to become ShamWow’s number one fan.
Stephanie, I think the Garlic Pro Dicer is an awesome way to scare your date! Not only would he be creeped out that you are infatuated with garlic ice cream, but he definitely would only be thinking about how rancid your breath must mell everyday. Hopefully, that would throw him off and make him uneasy about the rest of the date and maybe even try to leave early! I can’t imagine any guy who would want to date a girl who was obsessed with garlic on every food and was so enthused about the Garlic Pro Dicer. Just hope that he too wouldn’t respond by saying “Oh my gosh! Me too! I absolutely love garlic on all my food…you’ll definitely need to come to my place to try my famous garlic milkshake!” Of course, you would then need to come up with Plan B. You would have to stealthily figure out what he hated and then make that your favorite infomercial. For example, if he hates feet, you would love the PedEgg. If he hates to clean, you would love ShamWow, OxyClean, and Kaboom wipes. You get the picture.
It’s a tough call! Instinctively, I would want to say that my favorite infomercial is for the Snuggie (because it is), but then he might get the wrong idea about possibly wanting to snuggle. In that case, it might just be a safer (and slightly more frightening) rout to say that my favorite infomercial is for the Ronco “These-Knives-Never-Dull” knife set. Maybe if I detail how much I love knives, or even pretend that I have a rare and unusual knife collection at home, I will scare him into never calling me again. I might even include a fictional anecdote about how my infatuation with knives stems from my parents job as professional carnies in a touring circus, and they perform as knife jugglers. I might even go as far to say that I myself juggle knives in the circus, and this is my final night in town (so that even if by some miracle he still wanted to contact me, there would be no way.) Perhaps I could seal the deal by telling him that ever since seeing the Ronco infomercial, it has been my dream to use them in my act and possibly earn an endorsement campaign with them. I would enact my own infomercial at the beginning of each show to prove to my audience how sharp my Ronco knives really were. At this point in my rant about knives and circuses, I would hope that my date asks for the check, and we would both end the evening with a new story to tell at parties; his of his crazy circus-freak date who’s obsessed with sharp knives, and mine of how I creatively got out of a terrible blind date.
ReplyDeleteHa Ha! This is hilarious (and well written)! Well Emily, you are at FSU where you can take Circus Class for credit (PEM 1952).
ReplyDeleteI must agree that my favorite infomercial is also for the Snuggie. However, Emily you make a very good point in saying that "snuggling" would be a topic to avoid on a bad date. So I would have to say that in response to my unfortunate blind date's bizarre question, I would explain that the Wonder Hanger infomercial is my favorite. How genius is it to compact 5 hangers into one!? To multiply the space in your closet by 5 times! In all my excitement describing the infinite wonders of the Wonder Hanger, I would give this poor man the impression that I am OBSESSED with clothes. "And all my previous boyfriends have also been thrilled with the Wonder Hanger because I could dedicate a hanger, or two or three, to each of them! And fill them with the clothes they so happily spoiled me with." HOPEFULLY, this idea would frighten him a little (unless he really is that abnormal). As soon as he showed any sign of discomfort, I would quickly send my conversation in a different direction. “Oh don’t worry! If you don’t like shopping for clothes I don’t mind. A few of my previous boyfriends weren’t the biggest fans of clothing shopping either, but being the genius girl that I am, I came up with a solution! You can just get another credit card attached to your checking (or savings) account and give it to me. I’ll gladly do the shopping for you, and even buy decorative letters to decorate my many Wonder Hangers in your honor!” In fact, I might just get so excited that I insist on rushing home to prepare my closet. Of course I would make sure to scribble my (fake) number on a napkin and bolt out the door.
ReplyDeleteOh the wonders of the Wonder Hanger :)
I think I’d hesitate to answer my mystery date’s question just to build the awkwardness. Then I would tell him that my favorite infomercial is for the Ped Egg because my feet are proof that it works. As we’re eating our food, I’d tell him about this horrible foot curse I have and how unfortunately it runs in the family. I’d go into detail about how crusty my feet are and how my skin had always felt like scales on a snake back before I used the Ped Egg. If this hasn’t put the turn on the date yet, I’ll talk about our future together. I’ll explain to him that when we’re married and have children, our children will have this horrible foot curse as well so we might as well buy a lot of Ped Eggs now in preparation for them! My obsession for the Ped Egg will grow so much as I talk about it, that I will take one out of my purse and place it on the table. I’ll take one of my shoes off, throw my foot on the dinner table, and start scrubbing away what he thinks to be nasty skin. Little does my awful blind date know when we part ways is that I had happened to be carrying my grandma’s purse which holds crazy things for back up when a date goes wrong. I would definitely call my grandma after the date and thank her for the Ped Egg she’d stored in the side pocket! This is something that will never get old in my family; we will be able to laugh in the future about all the insane dates we agree to go on.
ReplyDeleteWell, if my date was really going this badly, and the subject of infomercials was brought up, there is only one sure way that I could get out of it. That is by embracing the tactics of one late, great man who made infomercials so popular, and yet so annoying to watch…Mr. Billy Mays. I would probably begin by explaining how I first saw the commercial for Oxiclean on tv, and it changed my world (when, in all honesty, I’ve never used the stuff). Of course, I couldn’t explain Oxiclean without paying homage to Billy Mays, which requires that I talk about Oxiclean in THE ABSOLUTE LOUDEST VOICE POSSIBLE! “OXICLEAN! POWERED BY THE AIR YOU BREATHE, ACTIVATED BY THE WATER WE DRINK! IT’S THE STAIN SPECIALIST!” This will work especially well if we are in public, seeing as this will make it socially awkward for everyone in our vicinity. After relaying the wonders of Oxiclean, I would then suddenly become completely overtaken with sadness, and perhaps even some really fantastic “on cue” tears and sobs. My date, being really taken aback at this, would then ask me what was wrong. I would then proceed to explain the impact that the death of Billy Mays had on my life (I know this is terribly cold hearted, and my apologies to anyone in his family who might ever read this. It’s the internet, you never know how people might come across stuff). If all that didn’t work, I would only have to pull out the big guns and start talking about the ShamWow guy.
ReplyDeleteJordan,
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, I loved yours. Haha. I actually got a Ped Egg for Christmas from a family member. The Ped Egg is one of those products that you never really want anyone to know that you use, making it a perfect tool to chase away a bad date. I actually only used it once, and it grossed me out so much that I never used it again. I think anytime you bring up feet on a date, its a sure way to at least make another person feel awkward. Unless of course you're with someone that you do feel comfortable with, and talking about feet is a way to lighten up the conversation and make people laugh. But yeah, I totally agree. Ped Egg would definitely be the best way to get rid of a bad date.
Well, remember the Oxyclean commercials? Yeah, Those were my favorite infomercials. It always made me wonder if the guy who did those commercial, poor guy dying at his age by the way, ever liked his job. He just sound so obnoxious, kinda like little kids yelling for candy but only it's "buy this new detergent buy this new dishwasher soap!". At least he made it look like he put his heart into his work, I mean it must be very embarrassing yet skillful to pull off each commercial cause all he does is yell, although he probably yelling louder and more repetitive messages of getting people to go his company's product is going to attract customers into wanting to buying. Personally, I would just ignore people who use that advertising method all together. I think only a few people can pull off such a method as a way of advertising to the people and the Oxyclean guy definitely is one of them. "Am I boring you, Oh, I can continue?"
ReplyDeleteAnother thing I like to mention is that what made the Oxyclean guy famous and a very well-known informercial, at least what I have heard, is his renowned mustache and beard. He was also in some beard dying commercial. Or at least some guys that looked like him. I could've swore that he was trying to pull off Chuck Norris's beard, but only what's behind Chuck Norris's beard is not a chin, but another fist. "I hope I'm not boring you, you just look so sleepy."
Well that's what I say about my favorite informercial, even though it was more focused on the guy rather than his commercials. He was still very good at his job, it's only a shame that he died at his age. "So what about you---" great she asleep."
oh by the way, wayofkon is me Yu-Wei.
ReplyDeleteI got to admit id probably be honest and answer the sham-wow infomercial(mostly because of the sham-wow guy is so entertaining)then id go on a rant about how useful these sham-wow things are, and how i can use it for everything i need to clean up around the house (id obviously add a couple of disgusting things about the way i live, just to scare them away) If that does not work, then this is where it gets tricky. Personally, im pulling out a crazy exgirlfriend card, id just walk away (make it seem like im going to answer my celphone) and id come back a couple of minutes later, and explain this whole thing about my "exgirlfriend" and how she just called me from her house telling me that if i didnt went to her house right now, she would hurt herself or something like that. Then id just ran out of the restaurant before we could even exchange numbers.Now, im the last person that would joke about something as serious as a possible suicide(....wait, im actually not) but in all fairness, if we are on a date talking about infomercials, then im pretty sure id make anything up to get out of there. Also, please dont take me wrong, i usually try to be the most friendly person youll ever meet, this is my last resort card, if i have to take this card out, that just means that this has to be by far the worst date you could possibly ever be on.
ReplyDeletehey Sydney.
ReplyDeleteNice going with the crying on a public date, especially if its for something as minimal as an infomercial, if that doesnt work then this guy is either crazy or retarded and in both cases you might wanna keep your distance ( not to offend any retarded people that might read this, but if you are reading this and you felt offended, you are not retarded, you are either lazy or really dumb) Also, very good with the homage to Billy Mays, and dont worry about the family, if its that bad of a date then im pretty sure most of them will understand. I personally just put the sham-wow guy for my answer, and i didnt even add a comment on what a character he is. I dont know if you would need to bring out the sham-wow guy, the yelling and the crying should pretty much do it, if you need a reinfocer you can always go with how traumatic the whole death of Billy Mays was, including certain details that would make you look like a crazy person, that should definitely do it.
Morgan,
ReplyDeleteI really like your idea! I had not even thought of that! One sure-fire way to send a guy running is to give him the idea your high maintenance, and expect him to shower you with presents! On top of that, he would certainly shudder to think that a girl was ready to invade his personal space with Wonder Hangers after only the first date! Absolutely ingenious. I almost forgot about that infomercial! To be honest, I was considering buying some for my new dorm room, as I didn’t know how much closet space I would have. I’m sure they would really come in handy in a residence hall like Salley, which is notorious for having very limited closet space. It would really be great if you wrote the number of the Rejection Hotline on that napkin as you dashed out the door. Then you would really let him know that you weren’t actually that insane, he was just a dud for a date.
“Hands down, the Magic Bullet.” By hands down, I would mean if you try to make a move tonight I’m going to stick your hands down a Magic Bullet. This comment would make me grin as I mull over the irony. Typically, I can converse with anyone; I could even talk to a wall if I found it that interesting. Therefore, this guy must really, to put it simply, suck. The real question is why am I still sitting here? I’m either doing so to be polite or for some decent food since that is scarce in college. I could discuss the Magic Bullet in all its glory with him since its characters are quite profound and he seems to have a fascination with infomercials. There is an Australian husband who seems to be quite whipped by his WASP of a wife along with a hung over neighbor in a bathrobe and an older woman who is consistently smoking throughout the nine minute scene. Not your typical infomercial. That’s the beauty of it; it seems like a sitcom but with a 1-800 number at the end. He may find this humorous and I would not want to tempt him into buying dessert so I would not mention that. I would make some quick conversation about how awful television is in today’s society and inform him that my two children at home are never allowed to watch after nine. Then, I would exclaim, “Whoops! It’s nine and I simply must run home to tuck them in.” After such a horrid question from my mystery date, I would let him think I’m a teen mother just to end this misery. Thus, to conclude the evening I would go make myself a chocolate shake in my Magic Bullet.
ReplyDeleteWhen I think infomercials, the first one that pops into my head is “Flirty Girl Fitness”. Every time it comes on TV I can’t help but to laugh…especially if someone else is in the room, such as my father. Believe me, it makes for a pretty awkward moment. Definitely, being a woman, I would never bring this one up if I wanted a date to end. That would only make the guy want to continue talking to me, knowing the typical guy, that is. On the other hand, if I were a man, this would make for the perfect date ending conversation. I could start off by saying, “I mean wow, those girls in that video are bangin! Man what I would do for a girl like that.” Then I could ask her, “You by chance have one of those poles at your house, or maybe just even the chair?” Her response would most likely be, “Um no actually, can’t say that I do.” with an aggravated tone. Then I may add, “Well, say I bought you the video, you think you might try it out… I mean, it looks like you could shed a few pounds? The moves could be a little difficult at first, but I could definitely help ya out there. I mean, not to brag, but I’m practically pro! I recorded the infomercial and watch it on the daily. In YOUR case, you might have a little trouble getting up on the pole at first, but once you lose a little, it should be no problem at all!!” This would be the end. Oh but by the way, if you really want to make it out of there without a slap on the face, you may want to drop that last line :)
ReplyDeleteLaura,
ReplyDeleteYou know, I have a friend whose grandmother gave her entire family the Magic Bullet for Christmas one year. She says that it actually works great. You could, then, be inadvertently letting this mystery date think that you have uncommonly good sense. ☺
Jordan,
ReplyDeleteHAHA. Your idea is hillarious. What's funny is that every time I see this infomercial I get grossed out, especially when they reveal all of the left over dead skin. Mmm... that would be just great to see as I'm enjoying dinner!! The foot curse just tops it off. I could imagine eating my salad and bread, while the image of “scaley-footed children” dances in my head. I also love the idea of “grandma’s purse”. After reading your entry, I’m sure many will make sure they have some sort of secret weapon. Anyways, this Ped-Egg would definitely do the trick, unless your dating some kind of weirdo that digs that sorta thing. Highly doubt it though! But, if ever you do run into that problem, you could always whip out another useful tool from “grandma’s purse”. Thank god for grandma!
Thanks for your comment! And as a matter of fact, I did give in and buy a package of wonder hangers for my dorm room closet. Haha, they ended up being very useful though! They not only maximized my hanging space but also provided a clever idea for an english blog assignment, funny how things work out. And the rejection hot line number sounds like a good idea. If I am unfortunate enough to actually be put in this situation, I will be sure to add that into my plan of escape. However ranting on about Ronco knives and circuses just might have to be brought up as well! Unless of course my mysterious date ends up being a clown in the FSU circus and a co-owner of Ronco knives...then we'd have some issues!
ReplyDeleteThe question has been asked. I stand. I turn around. I walk out the door of the restaurant. I wait outside for a few seconds and then turn around and come back in. "I'm just kidding; I love infomercials!" After the awkward pause that will inevitably result from me walking out the door moments before I will explain that the Magic Bullet is my favorite. Why? It is my favorite because of its ingeniousness. What a great idea! I would go on to explain how often I cook in my house and how I used to always labor in the kitchen to make ingredients for recipes or cocktails for a party. The Magic Bullet saved me! Look at me now: with the Magic Bullet I can do the same amount of work in "ten seconds...or less!" "Not only that," I'd exclaim, "the Magic Bullet comes in a small, convenient size." I would then, of course, grab my Magic Bullet from my bag and place in on the table. I would then instinctively grab her plate of food and scoop it into the Magic Bullet. Using the "cross blade" I would chop up her whole meal in "ten seconds...or less" and then dump it back onto her place. While she would predictably have a look of disgust on her face, I would explain the simplicity in having a liquid diet three times a day, instead of a solid food diet. All you have to do is stick your meal into the bullet, eat, and then place the bullet in the dishwasher when you're done! With luck, a second date would take place; only this time she would make sure to bring her new Magic Bullet with.
ReplyDeleteNicole,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your comment! Firstly, the “Flirty Girl Fitness” is one of my favorites as well. What an awkward infomercial in general, but to bring it up on a blind date would just be hilarious. I also liked the fact that you mentioned “knowing the typical guy” and how he would most likely enjoy hearing that you like the “Flirty Girl Fitness” infomercial. What’s the worst part? You’re probably right! On the other hand, I’m pretty sure if any guy said anything like that in a blind date he definitely WOULD be slapped. You’re crossing some dangerous lines there by telling her you would get her the video because she could “shed a few pounds.” However, I’m sure she would be reassured when the gentleman tells her that he’s practically a pro at the pole. If that’s not an attention getter, I honestly do not really know what is. Great comment!
“First of all, if the date is so dull that you are actually asking me what my favorite infomercial is, then I think it’s needless to say that I definitely do not plan to return to for a second date. That being said, if you honestly want to know, then I’m going to have to go with the Snuggie. The commercial made it seem really comfortable and I actually bought one after I saw it. However, do not get any ideas that I want to snuggle with you in any way, shape, or from. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t get the wrong idea from my answer, and if you need a little more reinforcement, then I think I should mention the fact that my dad gave a taser a few months ago and I know how to use it. So for your own sake, don’t try anything. But, do you honestly have nothing better to talk about? I mean, you could’ve talked about sports or the news, but this kind of makes me think that you just sit at home all day and watch the Home Shopping Network. I suggest you socialize a little bit more so you will have a little more luck on the dating scene. Maybe make a note card of appropriate things to talk about on a first blind date. Try to be a tad more interesting, and if you’re actually incapable of that, then take your date to a movie or something so you wouldn’t have to talk. Now, could you order the check? I think it’s time we go our separate ways.”
ReplyDeleteJordan,
ReplyDeleteYour idea of the Ped-Egg is absolutely amazing. That would definitely be a date-ender and if that doesn’t exactly do the trick then talking about your “future together” would. Your post honestly made me crack up. The Ped-Egg has got to be the most disgusting things to carry around in your purse considering all of the dead skin you’re carrying around everywhere. I can only picture two people in a restaurant, and someone all of the sudden starts scrubbing their feet with the Ped-Egg, and you know, maybe put the shavings on the side of the dinner plate. Yummmm. I absolutely agree with your idea and your way out of the date would make an incredibly funny story to tell at all your family gathering, with grandma of course.
Well, if someone or in particular my terrible date asked me my favorite infomercial, the first thing I would say is, “What kind of question is that,” in a not so rude tone. But with some quick thought to not make the person feel bad(because I am a nice person), I would reply all the work-out machine infomercials and the only one that comes to mind readily is the Ab-Lounge, even though that is not my favorite machine because it made my abs hurt for a whole week during track season. It was horrible but off-topic. Sorry, where was I again. Oh yea, your favorite infomercial question. Well its Ab-Lounge mainly because I love how they get people off of the street who just happen to be in work-out clothes to try out the machine and with their feign excitement voice say the same response, “Oh my gosh! This is the best work-out machine ever! It beats all gym equipment.” I mean come on! So fake yet people buy it anyways. I’m not knocking the equipment but I just love how they always have a super ripped spokesperson commentating about the machine and they say the Ab-Lounge helped them get that physique which is a LIE! But anyways, what possessed you to ask me that kind of question? I mean favorite kind of music, what do I like to do, my favorite color even (even though that’s so cliché to ask on a first date) are some of the “first date questions”, but favorite infomercials. Wow that’s a new one (and again all of this is said in a not so rude voice but a voice that says I’m not feeling you but I’m nice so I’ll continue talking to you).
ReplyDelete-Jennifer McQ
Handling awkward moments and causing them has always been a skill of mine. And one night I really got the chance to use my talent. The date had been complete hell. She showed up about thirty minutes late and to add to that it was a blind date. And by blind date I wish I would have been blind because she looked like a mess. So as we jumped from topic to topic in our casual conversation she asked me, “What is your favorite infomercial?” I heard the words and suddenly I felt a switch click on in my head. Without hesitation I replied, “The Shamwow and Slapchop/Graty commercials with my brother Vince in them!” She was at first intrigued but I moved quickly to change this. As a side note too if you haven’t seen these commercials you have to Google them because this guy is absolutely insane. But back to the story at hand, how I got rid of my terrible blind date. I went on to let her know that Vince had actually just gotten in trouble for a run-in with an overly aggressive prostitute. At this information she was at first a little bit awkward about the situation but I slowly made sure to go in for the kill. I told her in my opinion I thought Vince was an alright guy but he just made an idiotic mistake. She nodded in agreement but I laughed to myself as she had taken the bait. I then told her, “You know in family the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” At this proverbial insight she at once got up and excused herself from the table and made a beeline for the restaurant door. I sat back and laughed knowing that I had just used the Shamwow pitchman to scare off a bad date.
ReplyDeleteCatalina,
ReplyDeleteHaha! Wow. I really like your response. I mean I feel the same way. Infomercials, REALLY that’s the best you can do?? I guess so. But yea, I think you handled the situation pretty well too. Not really rude, just firm in how you feel that it will go NO WHERE. I read most of the other posts and everyone is trying to disgust or humiliate the person but you were just straight up saying that the person has no life (lol) or is uninteresting. I might not go that far as to say that but I would say that the person definitely needs better conversation topics or starters other than infomercials but that’s just me. Also I liked how you threw in the part about the Home Shopping Network channel because that is where the majority of infomercials occur especially all the stupid, cheesy ones that sucker people into buying it from them instead of waiting until it comes out in stores, which is what always happens even though they have the disclaimer saying it won’t be sold in stores. Another LIE!
-Jennifer McQ
Catalina,
ReplyDeleteI for one have to say that I’m kinda afraid of you after the way you handled that blind date. Totally ruthless but I loved it haha. Also you have to watch this Snuggie parody if you haven’t already seen it, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h05ZQ7WHw8Y&feature=fvw. I also liked the way how you immediately crushed your dates hope after mentioning the word Snuggie, after that everything was golden. Total confidence crushing awesomeness in my opinion. I think if I was in your date’s shoes by the end of your tirade I’d probably not even wait for the check but just run before you get the chance to use your tazer haha. If we ever went on a date I’d definitely make sure to not make any boring small talk of infomercials because this poor guy did and I’d have to say he really ended up burnt to a crisp. Great job :)
Catalina,
ReplyDeleteI like that your response was completely directed towards the date in a quote. You aren’t hiding any of your thoughts, but, rather, telling him exactly what you think. The taser reference is an excellent way to repel your creepy date. He would definitely understand that this is the one and only date you and him would be on. If the date replied that he really did only watch the Home Shopping Network then that would be funny, yet extremely sad. By telling him to go see a movie with his next date instead of talking was great since you’re being helpful to him in the future. To top it all off, you told him to get the check. If that doesn’t tell him you despise him then I do not know what would. It sounds like you’re breaking up with him in the last post, too, which I enjoyed as the conclusion to your response.
I, for one, hope that I will never have such a bad date that the date actually asks me what my favorite infomercial is. I think I would probably have to go with the Sham-Wow. I would say that I bought one and use it to clean up after the house of guys I live with. I would go into detail about all of the specific messes. “They leave their drinks and food on the tables and they stain all of the counters in the kitchen.” Then I would go on to complain about how men never take care of their belongings and leave their things all over the place. I would say I would never date a man that doesn’t do laundry, clean, and cook for himself. Hopefully, the date would take the hint and be really aghast that I live with a bunch of guys and not call anymore. If he doesn’t take the hint, I would take out my phone and act like they’re constantly texting me and bring up an ex boyfriend or two. The ex-boyfriend card would most likely work by itself but you never know, this date could be desperate. It’s likely that this person doesn’t get out much if he asks all of his first dates about infomercials. Seriously, does this guy not have anything better to talk about? He should really think about a question like that before asking it. I think after the whole thing was done, I’d feel pretty bad about it because the situation would just be pitiful.
ReplyDeleteAlex,
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you described the whole situation! I actually used the Sham Wow too and researched that guy. He beat up some hooker in South Beach! I know if I met someone who said “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” about something like that, I’d freak out! I like how enthused you made yourself seem about the product. That’s weird by itself without the other added comments haha Running out of the restaurant before coming back and reciting basically the whole infomercial? PRICELESS! I also liked the way you set up the dialogue. It you’re your post even more entertaining. Good job!
Well, weirdo, I must say that my favorite infomercial is that of Sham-wow. Not only is this item functional but also the presentation is absolutely hilarious! Did you know that the guy on the infomercial, whose name currently escapes me, was arrested for soliciting a prostitute and for assault? So every time I see that commercial I can’t help but be a little tickled by his exuberant behavior especially when you think about what he was been doing with his spare time. And though this may sound a little bit twisted don’t you find it fascinating to analyze the rise and fall of even these C-list infomercial stars? It seems to be the last chapter in his five minutes of fame almost like Willy Mayes but at least it ended in his death rather than humiliation. Now don’t think I’m speaking ill of those who have passed on before us!
ReplyDeleteBut back to the question, I love Sham-wow, I own several and they work wonders on my messes! Though my main motivation for these purchases is to continue his career because I am anxious to observe his other antics as time goes on. Don’t you wish that this soap opera like behavior progressed throughout the infomercial world? Profits would sky rocket! The economy would be back on its feet in no time and it would all be because of the dramas of the regular show persons or presenters, it really depends on how you would like to refer to them.
And to end this terrible date I hope I made this conversation sufficiently awkward for you to never call me back because quite frankly I believe you need to get a little bit of personality!
Emily S.
ReplyDeleteI loved your Ronco infomercial. First off, I have a fear of knives so that alone would seal the deal for me. I’d have the check there in a heartbeat, no lie. But the whole circus idea is priceless. I feel like you never meet a “normal” person who wants to be a part in a circus. I’d hope by this point in time your date has either gotten the hint or just been too freaked out to look your way. As you were talking about your infatuation with knives, you should have picked up a knife at the dinner table to make him feel really uncomfortable (if you hadn’t sent him packing already) !!
First and foremost I must say I’d be shocked if anyone asked me this on a date, whether it was going good or bad. So, I would just have to sit there and think about it for a little while, keeping my date in suspense, because there are just so many to choose from. For the purpose of this date however, I would probably choose the garlic pro dicer. I know it’s a weird choice, but if you think about it how many people actually like the smell of garlic breath. Not many I’m sure. I would just get really excited and be like “Oh I know, the Garlic pro dicer!” really loud so everyone could hear. Then I would just go one, babbling about how much I love this product explaining how it works, and then of course how much I love garlic. I’d try to convince my date that I had a very unconventional love for garlic by telling him that I put garlic on everything, on all kinds of food, from pasta, to foods that would make a weird combination with garlic, like ice cream. So, after I’ve been rambling about my love for garlic I’d ask, “Have you ever tried garlic ice cream? It is A-maz-ing!” I’d just describe how creamy and delicious it is, when I know that it must taste disgusting because I mean garlic ice cream, it just sounds disgusting (and if any one would ever make garlic ice cream I’d think that there’s something a little wrong with them). Now, I’d think that on this date we’d be at a restaurant, so I’d ask the waiter if I could have a whole bunch of chopped garlic to put on whatever I was eating. And, to top it off, at the end of the date, when I’d say good bye, I’d get really close so he could smell the garlic and just hope that he doesn’t actually like garlic because then I’d be in trouble! (Ok, so I’d never actually do this, but it would be a good idea, I guess… maybe? It’d at least be kind of funny.)
ReplyDeleteFirst I want to say that I am pretty sure I would never go on a blind date because I don’t like being put in awkward situations like that, because when I am, I usually become a jerk. So if the date was not going well, and the conversation turned toward infomercials I really would not be surprised. However, if I was asked what my favorite infomercial was, I would probably start to say whatever I could to end the date as soon as possible and never have the person want to talk to me again. Now, I do not really watch infomercials. So I looked some up and found the best end-date solution. I would tell my blind date that my favorite infomercial is the Odor Assassin because it just works magic. If you haven’t heard of it, you should look it up. It supposedly can get rid of pretty much any smell in just three seconds. So, I would tell this to my date and then tell her why I like it so much. Though it would be entirely untrue, I would explain that I have had this really bad smell in my house, and I continuously have to use the Odor Assassin throughout the house to keep the horrible smell under control. I would then fabricate a story about how one day when I came home, the kitchen smelled really bad, and I thought it was the trash so I took it out. Then as the week went on, the smell had not gone away but had gotten worse. I was thinking something had died. So, I tore apart the kitchen to figure out the source of the smell, but I could not find it. By the end of the month, the entire house smelled bad, I had just about given up on finding the source and had gotten used to it. I would tell my date this not because I am a disgusting person, but because I would want her to be absolutely disgusted and want to go home and get as far away from me as soon as possible. I am just not a real people person.
ReplyDeleteCatalina,
ReplyDeleteI really liked that you actually wrote down exactly what you would say to your date. It was really funny, and you were just totally up front and honest. Just completely blunt about how you felt about your date. You still told him your favorite infomercial, but made it completely clear that your favorite infomercial would in no way have anything to do with him. It was obviously a weird question to ask on a date, and I liked that you confronted him about that. Maybe he does watch that shopping channel. I’d think it’d be even more funny if you had asked him what his favorite infomercial was, just for fun. And another thing, if someone does actually ask a question like this I’d agree that it would be very beneficial for them to socialize more before they go on another date. Oh and my favorite part was definitely the end, when you gave him the movie suggestion, and about the check and you two going your separate ways. I’m sure by then he’d have gotten the hint.
I definitely would have to say that the sham wow infomercial is my favorite. I would tell my date that sham wow is the best product on the market and that I think that every man, woman and child should have one or two. I would explain that regular napkins are truly becoming obsolete in this society and I might even “accidentally” spill my drink into my date’s lap. Of course I would recommend a sham wow to clean up the mess. I would not even apologize. I would just continue on with my speech about the importance of the sham wow in this day and age as well as attempt to engage in conversation with any passer-by who would stop and listen. (Most likely that would be few.) We, the passer-by and I, would discuss the sham wow for as long as I would get them to stay (which I doubt would be an extended amount of time). When my date would try to interrupt me I would simply talk over him getting louder and louder every time. Eventually he would realize that trying to get a word in would be near impossible. At this point I would just continue on with my speech about the necessity of sham wows making sure he did not interrupt me. I had to sit through a bad blind date so he would have to sit through my ramble. And he better listen or I’m bringing out my “These-Knives-Never-Dull” knife set like Emily suggested.
ReplyDelete-Unjani
Stephanie,
ReplyDeleteAs if your favorite infomercial being the garlic pro dicer wasn't weird enough, I think your idea of stressing how much you love garlic is absolutely genius. I doubt I would be able to pretend I like garlic that much, and it would be funny. It would definitely work on me and probably on anybody. Now don’t get me wrong, I like garlic as a seasoning on some foods, and it can really add some flavor to what you are eating. The way you described it makes garlic seem disgusting though. Not to mention garlic ice cream. Do you think that really exists? I know they make weird flavors, but I am pretty sure this would be the most disgusting. Finally, the garlic breath in the face just seems like the best way to end a terrible date. If a girl did that to me, it would probably make me sick and I would never want to see her again.
Jordan M.,
ReplyDeleteThe ped egg infomercial is a really good idea. The thought of someone’s rough, scratchy feet should definitely deter anybody from wanting to have a second date with them, especially if they feel it absolutely necessary to grind away at their crusty feet at the dinner table. It’s just nasty. However, you have to do what is necessary and if the date is bad enough, this would be necessary. Absolutely necessary. Although, this scene would probably raise a stir as well as laughter no matter where you and your date happened to be, you could easily get rid of your date and make them never want to go out anywhere with you again. Which of course would be the objective in this case. And you would definitely get rid of that date if you did scrubbed your feet with the ped egg in your “bad date survival kit”.
Jordan,
ReplyDeleteThe Ped Egg is a perfect way to make the date even more awkward. Personally, I do not like feet and if they were to be brought up on a date, especially a blind date, I would get grossed out. The Ped Egg is such an odd device, but at the same time it should save people money on pedicures. But in all seriousness every time I saw a Ped Egg on television or in a store I always wanted one. My mother finally got me one as a surprise and I have never used it or even opened it from the wrapper. I would feel so weird using it and it would probably gross me out. This was such a good idea to use this infomercial on a terrible date, I think it portrayed the message that she was not having a good time on the date and they were not going out together again.
First of all, if I was ever on a blind date where I was asked such a question, I would wonder immediately which one of my friends had set me up and thought “Chelsea and (insert name here) would be a great match!” I would be curious as to if he was joking or if he was genuinely interested on what infomercial really captures my attention. I would start to answer the question with well, another question. I would ask him what his favorite infomercial was to see if he would answer with every miniscule detail so that when I answered, he would be ready to listen. I would definitely make it clear that we would not be going on any second date whatsoever. I would tell him that my favorite infomercial was indeed for the ShamWow. I would explain that I am the clumsiest person on earth and constantly spill drinks and liquids, so the ShamWow always comes in handy. My objective of course would be to scare him into thinking that I would be spilling drinks all night
ReplyDeleteon our date and whip out my handy ShamWow to continuously clean my mess up. I’d tell him that when I saw the infomercial, I called instantaneously in order to receive all the bonus benefits like a second ShamWow for free and different colored ShamWows. I would talk about this as though it were my child and whoever invented the ShamWow should be a legend. Hopefully, by the end of this date, he would realize that if we continued to date, he too would need to become ShamWow’s number one fan.
Stephanie,
ReplyDeleteI think the Garlic Pro Dicer is an awesome way to scare your date! Not only would he be creeped out that you are infatuated with garlic ice cream, but he definitely would only be thinking about how rancid your breath must mell everyday. Hopefully, that would throw him off and make him uneasy about the rest of the date and maybe even try to leave early! I can’t imagine any guy who would want to date a girl who was obsessed with garlic on every food and was so enthused about the Garlic Pro Dicer. Just hope that he too wouldn’t respond by saying “Oh my gosh! Me too! I absolutely love garlic on all my food…you’ll definitely need to come to my place to try my famous garlic milkshake!” Of course, you would then need to come up with Plan B. You would have to stealthily figure out what he hated and then make that your favorite infomercial. For example, if he hates feet, you would love the PedEgg. If he hates to clean, you would love ShamWow,
OxyClean, and Kaboom wipes. You get the picture.